


The Past

by minghaon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crime, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5039050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minghaon/pseuds/minghaon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to live with a difficult past.</p><p>Something we did in the past can change the way we are in the present. </p><p>Sehun had a difficult past, and he did something he regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Past

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on Tumblr and Asianfanfics (both as Oh-Mr-Bias)

"His name is Oh Sehun and he is 18," the man in front of them said. He was from the police. "He doesn't speak much."

Suho looked at the papers in front of him. There was a picture of a boy. He didn't smile and he didn't show any emotions either. It looked like he didn't care about anything, or like his world had colapsed and he had no emotions left.

"So what has he been through since he has to come here?" Kris asked as he also looked at the picture.

When the policeman began to talk, they both looked at him. They wanted to be sure not to skip any of the details.

"He came to the orphanage when he was 14. When he came he had just witnessed his father kill his mother, and then commit suicide. He didn't talk in over a month to anybody, and he tried to run away and to commit suicide many times," the man sighed, "three days ago he was in a fight with another boy. It didn't end as everyone thought it would.."

Kris looked down at the picture again. It sounded like this Oh Sehun had had a tough life, and it would probably be hard for him to become fine.

"What happened in the fight?" Suho asked.

"The other boy died," the man answered. Suho and Kris looked shocked. The boy in the picture didn't look like a person, who could kill anyone. "Sehun broke the boy's neck. I think he was shocked himself, but he didn't show any fellings towards it."

This boy was probably good at hidding his own feelings. There were some of the other boys in the house, who had been like that too. But Suho had the feeling that this case was much different than any of the others.

"If he killed another person, shouldn't he be in jail?" Suho asked. Kris thought the same thing, but he didn't say anything.

The policeman sighed. "He should have been, but everyone said that he wasn't emotionally stable."

"Is there anything we need to know before he comes?" Kris asked to change the subject. There was always something, that was good to know anyway.

"He is probably going to be distant, angry and don't talk to anyone. Nobody knows how to make him open up and tell about what he feels. Don't let him be near a sharp knife, even if he has to help with the dishes."

Suho cut him off. "Why must he not be near a knife? He isn't going to try to kill someone right?"

The man laughed a bit. "No, but he could take it into his room and cut himself. He did that yesterday, so when he comes he has new wounds." Now Suho understood. He didn't actually think that Sehun was going to hurt anyone, but he never knew.

"Is there any other important things to know?" Kris asked. The policeman looked at his own papers and shook his head.

"Only that he has quite a temper, he gets mad easily and he can't control his anger, other than that I don't think so."

Kris and Suho both nodded and bowed before the man walked out of the room.

They looked at eachother and had the same thought at that moment. Neither of them thought that this was going to be easy. They weren't even sure if Oh Sehun was going to open up to any of them.

\--

"I'm not going!" Sehun yelled and slammed the door hard.

What would make them think he would go to some house with a lot of other boys? It was terrible enough that he had to be here. What in the world would it even help to live with some other boys? He didn't understand why he wasn't going to jail. He had killed another person. He couldn't find a reason why he still had to be here.

Sehun kicked his taple hard enough to flip it. All the things on it ended up laying at the floor. He didn't care at all.

Something beside the taple took his interest. There was a scissors. They had forgot to take it. He looked at his wrists and the bandage. Then again at the scissors. And again at the bandage. He slowly took the scissors in his hand.

He didn't want to go to that house. He just didn't.

\--

"There is comming a new boy tomorrow," Suho announced. The boys around him began to whisper. It was the first time in the last two years there was comming a new boy, so of course they were like that.

"How old is he?" Kai asked.

"He is 18 like you, but a little younger than you," Kris answered. Kai had always been bothered as the youngest. He always said it was only because he was the youngest. Kris didn't agree with him. It wasn't only because of that, but also because he sometimes annoyed his hyungs.

"Then I'm not the youngest anymore," Kai yelled happily. All the boys looked suprised at him. It was the first time they had seen Kai yell like that. Usually he was trying to be very chick and sexy. He had always been like that.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol both laughed. "We're still going to bother you," Baekhyun said laughing. It was mostly the two of them who bothered Kai, but actually they bothered everyone.

When Suho began to talk again they became quit. "When he comes don't ask him questions." When he said that he looked at Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Chen. They all tried to look as innocent as possible. The other boys just laughed at their faces. "Any questions?"

"Who is he going to room with?" Luhan asked.

"Me," Suho said. "I'm the only one who doesn't have a roommate," he explained. He and Kris had discussed it as soon as the policeman had left. They had both agreed on that it would be smartest if one of them had to share a room with Sehun.

"How is he?" Tao asked. Everyone knew that he was asking about his personality and not his look.

"We don't know him, so we can't say. But we were told that he might be a little cold," Suho said. A little was probably a lie. They were told that he was very cold, and that he didn't talk to anyone.

When they got that answer the atmosphere went cold. It was like they suddenly became nervous. "But all of you were like that too, right?" Suho said.

All of them agreed, and they became like they had been all the time. All of them asked some questions, and they began to talk. They all became quit when Lay asked a question, no one had dared to ask.

"Why does he have to come here?" Everyone was anticipating Kris' or Suho's answer.

Suho answered calmly. "We can't tell you. If he wants you to know, he is going to tell you himself." Nobody said anything to that answer, because they had all tried to come to this place. None of them had looked forward to it back then, but now none of them wanted to leave. This was now their family, and they loved this family.

\--

There was a knock on the door and Suho and Kris opened. Outside was the same policeman who had been there the day before. Behind him was a boy. He looked exactly like the picture, and both Suho and Kris saw the bandages at his wrists, even though he had his hands in the pockets. It was obvious that he tried to hide it.

"Come in," Kris said and moved aside.

The Policeman went in first, but Sehun didn't move. He just stood like a statue and looked at the ground. The policeman sighed and took Sehun's arm to pull him inside.

"Don't. Touch. Me." Sehun whispered, slowly, and walked inside without the help from the policeman.

"I have to talk about something with one of you," the policeman said. Kris nodded an led him into the kitchen.

Suho looked at Sehun who still looked at the floor. "I'm Suho," he introduced himself. He knew that Sehun wasn't going to say anything. "Follow me if you want to know where your room is," Suho said and walked into a room. Sehun followed.

He just laid his bags on the floor, and didn't know what to do. He looked around the room and saw two beds. He didn't like that he had to share a room with someone. That meant that he wasn't going to be alone.

Suho saw how Sehun was looking at the two beds. A little smile couldn't help but form on his lips. "Don't worry," he said, "I'm your roommate."

Sehun didn't like the thought. How in the world was he going to have any privacy?

"I have to go," Suho said, "You can come, if you want to." He then went out.

Sehun wasn't going to follow. He just closed the door, and looked around the room. He had no idea, how long he was going to stay here. But if it was his choice he wouldn't be here long. He already hated this place, and he hadn't even met any of the other boys - beside Suho and Kris.

He still didn't understand why he had to be here, or why people didn't let him kill himself. It wasn't their business if he was dead anyway. The people here didn't even know him, so they shouldn't care at all.

\--

Suho found Kris in the kitchen. He was together with Kyungsoo, who was cooking dinner. It looked like Kris was in deep thought.

"Could you leave for a second, Kyungsoo?" Suho asked, when he saw that the boy didn't have intension to.

"No," he answered, "I'm cooking. Find another place to talk."

Both Kris and Suho knew that Kyungsoo wouldn't leave no matter what they did.

They decided to just talk in the kitchen anyway. Kyungsoo wouldn't understand any of it, if they just talked so they only knew what was being said.

"So what did he say?" Suho asked. He could see how much Kyungsoo wanted to listen, but he didn't care.

"He did it yesterday," Kris answered. Suho nodded. He knew that it was cutting himself Kris was talking about. Then it wasn't that weird that Sehun didn't want the policeman to touch him.

Kyungsoo sighed when he found out, he didn't understand what they were talking about. They always talked like that, when it was something the others wasn't suposed to know.

\--

"The dinner is ready," Kyungsoo anounced to the boys who watched television. None of them were moving, so Kyungsoo took the control and turned it off. They all began to complain but shut up when Kyungsoo glared at them.

Then Lay and Luhan came into the livingroom. They sensed that it was dinnertime, that was one of the only time, Kyungsoo would turn off the television.

It didn't take long before all the boys were together. There was only one boy left, before all 12 were there.

They were all looking at the only chair left. Then at the door to Suho and Sehun's room. None of them had expected what happened next to happen. They heard a door open and all of them looked surprised when Sehun came out. He had his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor.

He had thought about if he should go out or not, but he was hungry. He hadn't eaten anything, he hadn't wanted to.

Suho was the first to say something. "Sehun-ah, sit down," he said and pointed at the only chair which wasn't taken.

Sehun sat down, and didn't looked up from his hands.

"Then everone's here," Kris said and everyone started to take food. The boy next to Sehun gave him some, and smiled at him. Sehun didn't say anything, but he felt kind of thankful.

"What about introductions, so Sehun gets to know everybody?" Suho said and looked around at the boys.

"I'm Chanyeol," Chanyeol said happily and kept eating.

"I'm Baekhyun," Baekhyun said, "Yah! Don't take too much into your mouth!" He slammed Chanyeol's head, but Chanyeol dodged it.

"I'm Xiumin."

"Lay."

"Tao."

"Chen."

"Kai."

"Kyungsoo."

Sehun didn't pay much attention, and kept looking at his hands as he was eaten. But when the boy beside him talked, he couldn't help but take a glance at him. It was just a half second or something like that, but he couldn't help it.

"I'm Luhan," he said.

Then everyone started to eat and talk again. Sehun felt like someone kept looking at him, as he ate. It was probably just Suho and Kris, who wanted him to say something.

"I like your bandages," Chanyeol suddently said. Sehun quickly hid his hands under the table.

"Chanyeol!" Xiumin scolded.

"What? I mean it! They're really cool!" Chanyeol just answered. Sehun didn't like the way he talked like that. He didn't like the way Chanyeol was commenting on the bandages.

Sehun just followed his body and went to his room. He couldn't handle that kind of situations. His mind couldn't. If he had been sitting there he would probably just become angrier than he already was. Normal people wouldn't get angry that fast at things like that. It was just a misunderstanding, but it didn't matter. Sehun couldn't handle that kind of situations. It could end very wrong and he didn't want that to happen again.

\--

Sehun didn't come out of the room the rest of the day. He just sat on his bed.

Suho had tried to talk to him when he went to bed. Sehun just ignored him and pretended to sleep.

Sehun had had a hard time falling a sleep. He had been thinking about a lot of things. He still couldn't figure out why it should help him being here. He was thinking about the boys here too. Why was all of them trying to be kind towards him? He had come to that conclusion that Chanyeol had just tried to make him talk and be kind too.

\--

Sehun woke up around midnight. His breath was fast and tears were rolling down his cheeks. He could hear Suho sleeping, and didn't want to wake him. That's the reason he went into the livingroom. Nobody was there. That had to mean everyone was sleeping.

Sehun sat down on the couch with his arms around his legs. The tears were still rolling, but he didn't know how to stop them. He hadn't cried the past weeks, but now he did. He just had to let it all out.

He heard a door open and close, but ignored it. A person sat beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder. He looked at the person and saw Luhan. Luhan smiled at him and said: "It must be tough. You probably don't understand why it should help you to be here. Am I right?"

Sehun didn't know if he should answer or not, but ended up giving a little nod.

"I'm sure you will understand soon. Everyone changes when you live with 11 other boys around your own ages," he said. He might be right, Sehun thought.

"Why didn't you come out of your room earlier, instead of waiting to midnight? Are you a vampire?" Luhan asked. He actually tried to make Sehun laugh, or at least show some emotions. Now he had seen him cry, but what about smiling?

"I had a nightmare," Sehun answered. It was the longest sentence he had said this week.

"About what?" Luhan asked curiously.

"My parents. My dad killed my mom four years ago." Sehun didn't knew why he answered Luhan's question. He could just have lied about it, but something made him tell the truth.

"Something you want to talk about?" Luhan then asked. Sehun shook his head.

"I don't even know you," he mumbled.

"You just have to open up. You have to stop hiding your feelings. Nobody here is going to judge you, everyone has been through the same. We have all been new here. You just have to remember that," Luhan explained and smiled at Sehun before he went back to his room again.

He was probably right. But Sehun didn't know how to do it. He wouldn't like the others to be scared of him.

\--

"Shh!"

Sehun woke up by the sound.

"You're just going to wake him. Let him sleep!"

Too late Sehun thought. He yawned and heard someone sigh.

"Why couldn't he sleep a little longer?" Sehun didn't remember the name of the voice - or the face.

"He couldn't when you woke him up." Another voice he couldn't name. He sat up and found out that he had slept on the couch. He reminded himself of what had happened last night.

11 boys sat facing him when he stood up. He thought about joining them - they were eating breakfast - but he just went into his room. He wasn't hungry. To be honest he was hungry, but he didn't know what to do. It had been embarrasing to wake up when they all looked at him.

Sehun sat on his bed. His wrists hurted a little. It was normal. He had cut himself, of course it would hurt.

Sehun sat on the bed in about 30 minutes before the door opened. It was Suho. He smiled at him, but Sehun just kept his pokerface. Suho looked at his wrists and saw that the bandages were dirty.

"You have to change the bandages," Suho said. Sehun hid his wrists, but Suho took Sehun's arm and looked at the bandage. "Come," he said and pulled Sehun so he stood up.

He pulled him towards the door, but Sehun stopped.

"I don't want to," he whispered. Suho sighed, but smiled at him.

"I don't ask if you want to. I order you to do it. So you can't say you don't want to," he explained. Sehun was speechless. It was the first time someone had even asked him to change the bandages. Normally he walked around with the same bandages until the wound had healed. He hadn't thought that Suho could even order someone to do something. He didn't look like the type to do that.

"But-" Sehun started, but Suho cut him off. "No buts. You do as I say."

Sehun didn't say anymore, but followed Suho out. He was still speechless. It was the first time in 4 years someone had cut him off. Normally people tried to get him to speak, but Suho had cut him off. Sehun came to the conclusion that nothing was normal in this house.

Suho pulled him into the kitchen and sat him on one of the chairs. The only person in the kitchen was Kyungsoo. He was during the dishes - probably after the breakfast.

Kyungsoo looked at Sehun and smiled. "Want something to eat?" he asked. Sehun was about to shake his head, but his stomach began to growl. Kyungsoo laughted a little, and found some pancakes in the fridge.

Suho came with some new bandages, and took one of Sehun's hands. He removed the old and looked at the wound. Sehun felt kind of embaressed. He could do it himself, but he didn't want to upset Suho.

"You should clean the wound," he heard Kyungsoo's voice say. He was warming the pancakes. "If you don't clean it, you'll get an infection."

Sehun didn't say anything. Suho kept looking at the wound, as if he was thinking about something. "You're right," he said and thanked Kyungsoo. Sehun just began to eat the pancakes. He waited for Suho to begin to clean his wrist.

He hadn't thought the pain to be that painful. But he growled in pain as soon as Suho bagan.

"Oh, sorry," Suho said and checked if he was ok. When he was finish with the wrist he smiled. "Ready to the next one?" Sehun glared at him, but Suho ignored him.

\--

"What are you doing?" Kris asked when he came into the kitchen and saw Suho and Sehun.

"It sounds like you're torturing the kid," Xiumin said as he came in after Kris. Sehun kind of felt like he was being tortured, but he didn't dare to say anything.

"I'm not. I'm actually helping him," Suho answered. "Don't I?" he asked Sehun.

"It doesn't feel like it," Sehun mumbled. Xiumin couldn't help but laugh a little. Suho glared at Xiumin, but Kris began to laugh too.

"We have to talk, Suho," he said after he was done laughing. Sehun felt like it was him they should talk about. He didn't like it. He didn't like when people talked about him. When they did, it felt like they only talked about how bad and evil he was. Many of the people at the opranhage had talked about how they wanted him to leave. He hadn't been suposed to hear it, but he had.

"In a minute," Suho said as he was cleaning the wound. Sehun felt like he wanted to cry at the pain.  When he thought about it though, this didn't hurt as much as a lot of other things he had tried.

"Done," Suho announced smiling. He kind of hoped that Sehun would say something, but of course he didn't.

\--

"What did you want to talk about?" Suho asked as he sat down together with Kris. They were in Kris' and Chen's room, sure none of the others heard what they talked about.

"I got some more infomation about Sehun," Kris answered and showed Suho some papers.

"Look at the last page," Kris said and Suho did.

"He has nightmares," Suho mumbled and looked down at the page. There were some information that they didn't know about. "And a sister." It shocked Suho that they hadn't got any information about that.

"Yes. Luhan told me that he talked with Sehun last night. He said that Sehun said he couldn't sleep, cause he had a nightmare," Kris told Suho. "Luhan asked what it was about, and Sehun told him what happened to his parents."

"But why did he talk to Luhan? He didn't talked to any of us," Suho wondered and looked at the paper again.

"I don't know. Luhan is pretty, maybe that's the reason?" Kris suggested. He could hear how weird it sounded, but there was a chance that Sehun would feel more save with telling a person, who didn't look like some gangster, about that kind of things.

"Maybe you're right. But why wasn't we told that he has a sister?" Suho wondered. He couldn't believe that they didn't know that.

"I have no idea. Maybe they didn't think it was important," Kris answered. "Maybe we should talk to Sehun? I think we should know more about his nightmares."

"Do you think he would talk to us?" Suho asked.

"Not to me. I think I look too buff, but maybe you. You could ask Luhan if he wants to help," Kris answered. He took the papers from Suho. "But maybe you should wait to tomorrow. Today we're trying to make him talk."

\--

Sehun was still in the kitchen when Suho and Kris had finished talking. He sat at the same chair and looked like he wanted to be invinsible. Xiumin sat in front of him and talked about something. Sehun tried to look like he listened, but actually felt trapped. This Xiumin-guy was talking about some food that Sehun didn't care about.

"Did you try it?" Xiumin asked. Sehun wasn't aware that he had asked him a question. "Yah! Are you even listening to me?"

Sehun snapped out of his trance. "Eh?"

Xiumin sighed. "Nobody's listening. You're just like all the others." Then he went out of the kitchen. Sehun looked confused. Did he say something? He looked after Xiumin and noticed Suho and Kris. They walked out of the room and saw him. He looked away fast and pretended nothing had happened. Nothing had actually happened, but Sehun just felt like it had to be like that.

"He's just like all the others," Xiumin told Suho and Kris, "He doesn't listen when you tell him something."

Kris and Suho both laughed. Xiumin looked really anoyed.

"Sehun-ah." Sehun got a shock when Luhan was right in front of him. He didn't say anything, he just stared at him. "Do you want to walk with me? None of the others want to," Luhan asked and pouted. He looked really cute but Sehun didn't know what to say.

"You never asked us," Baekhyun said as he came into the kitchen with Chanyeol.

"I don't want to go with you," Luhan answered, not looking away from Sehun. "Do you want to?" he asked again.

Sehun would have said no but something made him nod. He didn't know what, but maybe it was the look Luhan gave him. It reminded him of someone, someone he loved and couldn't say no to.

"Great," Luhan said happily.

"But we want to go too," Chanyeol complained and pouted. Baekhyun pouted together with him. Luhan ignored both of them.

He grabbed Sehun's arm and pulled him out of the house. Sehun just got to wear his shoes. Luhan let go of Sehun's arm and asked where he wanted to go.

Sehun didn't know what to say. He just kept quite.

Luhan sighed. "What do you like? Let me treat you something."

Sehun thought about it. "Bubble tea," he then said. He hadn't said it loud but it wasn't a whisper either. The thing that was important was that Luhan had heard it.

"Fine, then let's go get some bubble tea." Luhan smiled.

\--

"Why did you want me to go with you?" It surprised Luhan that Sehun spoke first. "You only want me to speak, right?"

Luhan smiled at Sehun. He hadn't thought that Sehun would be that clever. "You're clever." Sehun didn't know what to say.

"Why did you say yes to go with me if you knew I just wanted you to speak?" Luhan asked. He was looking forward to Sehun's answer. Being curious as always.

"You remind me of my sister," Sehun answered. Again, he didn't know why he actually talked to Luhan. He didn't even know him. It just felt normal to answer him. Probably because Sehun always answered his sister.

"You have a sister?" Luhan asked. He sounded more shocked than he should have.

"Had," Sehun mumbled. It didn't sound like he was suprised by Luhan's shocked tone.

"I'm sorry," Luhan said. He really was sorry and he felt bad.

The next minutes nobody said anything. It was only a few minutes but it felt like more hours.

"What happened?" Luhan asked. He didn't like the silence, but he wasn't sure Sehun would answer him. Why should he? But Sehun surprised him.

"Suicide," he said. He talked in small sentences. He had a feeling that if he didn't, then he would begin to cry - cry really hard. He didn't want to do that in front of Luhan. Luhan had seen him cry once already, and Sehun felt that it was one time more than it should have been.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Luhan asked. He didn't really know how to react.

Sehun looked at him like he was some kind of idiot.

"It's okay if you don't want to," Luhan said. He was secretly hoping that Sehun would talk about it. He was curious, and he wanted to help the younger.

Sehun took a sip of his bouble tea. There was a knot in his throat and he didn't want to say more than he already had. The tears were still about to fall, but he was able to hold them back.

"Gues not," Luhan mumbled to himself. Sehun heard it but ignored it.

Sehun didn't really listen to Luhan, when he began to talk about something. It was something about a drama he had seen - he only began to talk about that to lighten up the mood.

Yet again, there were no emotions to see at Sehun's face. It was back to the emotionless mask.

\--

When it was Monday, Sehun was going to start at the same school as Kai, Tao and Kyungsoo.

Kai and Tao had tried to talk to Sehun a lot. They wouldn't let him be alone when he was out of his room. He had figured that it was best just to stay in the room. When he was in the room, nobody tried to make him talk - except for Suho - and he wouldn't get mad at anyone.

There had been one time four days ago, - the day after he had been drinking bouble tea with Luhan - where he almost had been in a fight with Chanyeol. Maybe not a fight. Chanyeol had just said something stupid again - he hadn't meant any bad to happen, he just tried to be nice. The thing he had said had made Sehun upset. That was when he said to himself that he should stay in his room.

Sehun was now standing in front of the mirror. He wore a yellow school uniform. The colour yellow wasn't really his farvorite. It was a bright colour. Sehun didn't like bright colours.

He looked at himself in the mirror. Why would Suho and Kris make him go to school? No one who were completely sane, would make a boy who had killed someone go to school with other kids. It wasn't something Sehun could understand. Actually, he didn't like the fact that he had to go. He was afraid that something would happen.

Sehun was pulled out of his trance, when he heard someone knock on his door. The  door opened just enough to let Suho get his head inside. "Are you done? Kai's waiting," he said, and sent Sehun one of these nice smiles.

Sehun nodded and took his back.

Kai smiled when he saw him. He walked over and laid an arm around Sehun's shoulder. Sehun shook it off, not caring that he tried to be friendly. He didn't say anything when he left the house - Kai walking closely behind him.

\--

"The principals office is over there," Kai said, and pointed towards a door. "I'll help you find your classroom. Oh right. There is this guy and his gang. They'll probably try to bother you, if they do then-" Kai stopped when he looked to the side. The spot where Sehun should have been were empty, and Kai could see Sehun's back rounding a corner. He sighed. Couldn't he at least listen to him? It was actully important.

Suho had told Kai, Tao and Kyungsoo about Sehun's anger-issue. He was really worried if Sehun would do something. The three of them had promised to keep an eye on Sehun - not that Kyungsoo would be to much help if Sehun was fighting with someone, but still.

Kai sighed once again, then left to find his own class.

\--

It wasn't as hard to find the classroom as Sehun had thought it would be. The system at this school seemed to be easy to figure out.

Sehun took a deep breath before he knocked on the door.

"Come in," an voice came from the other side. When Sehun pushed the door open, he could feel all the students look his way. He tried to ignore it.

"Ahh, are you the new student?" the teacher asked and turned to Sehun.

Sehun nodded and bowed at the teacher. She smiled at him and said, "My name is mrs. Jung. Would you please introduce yourself?"

Sehun hestitated and tried to think of a way to get out of this, but ended up bowing to the class and said, "My name is Oh Sehun."

Mrs. Jung looked at him, like she expected him to say more, when he didn't she said, "You can sit over there." Sehun nodded and sat on the chair she had pointed at.

He ignored the whispers in the room.  

\--

When it was lunch time Sehun choose to stay in the classroom. He wasn't hungry and he didn't  want to be together with all the other students.

He looked up when someone slammed a pair of hands on the taple. In front of him were three boys.

"Sehun, right?" one of the boys asked and smirked.

Sehun didn't answer, but raised an eyebrow.

"Do you want to join us?" the same boy asked. He looked at Sehun with a face which showed that he expected a 'yes'.

"I don't know you," Sehun mumbled, looking away from the boys. They hadn't even told him their names, yet they wanted him to join.

"Right. I'm Ryung," the boy who had been talking all the time said. "And that's Hyo and Jongwook. So what do you say?"

Sehun didn't even want to pretend that he was thinking about it. "No thanks," he answered as soon as the question had been asked.

The students in the room gasped. It was the first time someone had rejected Ryung that fast.

"Fine," Ryung said, "I understand if you need time to think about it." Then he turned around and walked out of the room.

\--

When Sehun arrived at the house - which he was supposed to call home - he went straight to the door to his room. He wanted to go inside and stay there, but the door was locked. It shouldn't be locked. It should be open.

With all his strength he tried to get the door open again.

"Oh, Sehun, you're home," Suho's voice came from behind him. Sehun turned around, and yes, it was Suho.

Sehun looked at him, and pointed at the door, as to ask why it was locked. Suho raised an eyebrow at him and frowned slightly. "Is something wrong Sehun-ah? Do you want to know something?"

Sehun glared at him, but Suho just smiled.

This was a way to make Sehun talk, and to make him stay out of the room. Sehun knew it but he wouldn't give in that easily. With a deep sigh he sat down on the floor, and leaned his back against the door. In his mind he said to himself that he wouldn't move from that spot.

"What are you doing?" Chen asked as he entered the room.

Sehun ignored him. He wasn't going to talk. Chen laughed. "Sehunnie is going to rebel. How cute."

Yet again Sehun ignored him - even though he didn't like the sudden nickname. No matter what he wouldn't give in. When he heard Chen laugh again, he clenched his hands into fists - he didn't know any other way to control his anger.

Chen was about to say something when he got cut off by Kai, who walked into the room. "I heard that Ryung talked to you," he said and looked at Sehun who couldn't understand that that was a big deal. "You have to avoid them. They're no good!" Then he walked away just as randomly as he had come.

What was he talking about? How did he even know? That Ryung seemed to be quite popular  the whole school probably knew by now.

\--

Sehun had no idea how long he had been sitting in front of the door. The 'ignore everyone who is talking to you' plan didn't work exactly as he had hoped. He had hoped that Suho would give up and let him into the room, but of course he didn't. He had just acted like it was totally normal that Sehun was sitting there. Everyone else had looked weirdly at him but hadn't said anything - except Chen who had tried to make Sehun talk, but gave up at some time.

It was only when Kyungsoo called for dinner, that Sehun noticed it was noon. He was hungry but he was also stubborn, and didn't move an inch. It hadn't been for nothing that he had been sitting there. If he gave up now, he would have wasted his time.

He didn't even say anything when Luhan came and asked if he wasn't going to eat. The answer was 'no' anyway - god know why he had to be so stubborn.

\--

Suho looked at Sehun who were in front of the door. He looked tired and it was easy to see, that he had a hard time keeping his eyes open.

Suho sighed as he reached for the key in his pocket. Then he stood up and walked over so that he stood in front of Sehun. Sehun glanced up at him.

"If you promise to not go into the room all the time, I will open for you." Suho looked at him and waited for a reaction.

Without thinking Sehun nodded. He was too tired to say no.

\--

_Sehun looked around himself. He was in a room. There was nothing in the room. It was just empty but somehow the room was familar. It was hard to remember where he had seen it, but then he realized it. It was his parents bedroom. But what was he doing in there?_

_Suddenly Sehun heard a scream. He turned around and gasped. In front of him on the floor laid his mother. She had open eyes, and her body was red from her own blood. Sehun felt like he needed to vomit._

_The next second was his father hanging in front of him. His eyes were looking directly at Sehun, and Sehun was sure he was smiling._

_As Sehun didn't think it could get any worse, he heard the scream again. Then he heard her sobbing voice. "Oppa, please help me. Help me." The voice of his sister was on replay. Always the same words. Help me._

_When Sehun fell down on his knees, his father and mother's argueing added to the voices. He could hear how they screamed at eachother. It was blending with the sobbing voice of his sister._

_Sehun tried to keep the voices out of his head. With his hands pressed over his ears he sat on the floor, trying to stop the tears._

_Soon another voice blended in, Sehun couldn't identify the voice. "Sehun. Wake up!"_

\--

Suho was the last person to go to bed. When he entered his shared room, the first thing he saw was Sehun. The boy was tossing around in his bed. Suho could see tears on Sehun's cheeks. It wasn't hard to figure out, that he was having a nightmare. It worried Suho.

"Sehun. Wake up," Suho said as he sat beside Sehun's sleeping figure. When the younger didn't react he nudged him gently. "Sehun. Wake up!" This time the boy opened his eyes. The only thing Suho could see in them was fear. What he hadn't expected was, that Sehun sat up and hugged him. Before Sehun could realize what he was doing, Suho laid his arms around him.

"Let's talk," Suho said queitly as he let Sehun cry.

\--

"What was your nightmare about?" Suho asked as he placed a mug with tea in front of Sehun. They were sitting at the taple in the kitchen. None of the others were awake and Suho thought it was best that way. There wasn't a big chance, that Sehun would talk if there were a lot of people.

"My family," Sehun mumbled. He didn't want to cry again, but the tears were already pressing on. Why did he suddenly cry a lot? He hadn't done that at the opranhage.

"Tell me about it," Suho gently ordered. He knew Sehun had a hard time and he also understood it. Hard times were something everyone had, Suho himself had had a lot of them too.

"I saw my p-parents," Sehun said trying to keep his voice steady. "My m-mother was lying bloody in f-front of me. My father hang a-and," he took a deep breath and wiped his eyes before he continued, "he smiled at me. Then my sister's v-voice came. She kept asking me to help her, but I c-couldn't do anything." The tears were running freely down his cheeks and he didn't even try to stop them. He couldn't anyway.

"What happened to your sister?" Suho asked as he laid a hand on top of Sehun's. He didn't know if Sehun would tell him. It surprised him when he did.

"She got raped," Sehun answered, his voice surprisingly steady. "She killed herself after that. I should have been there for her." He mumbled the last sentence to himself but Suho heard.

"Don't you dare blame yourself Sehun!" Even though Suho didn't know anything about it he knew that there was no way, it had been Sehun's fault. "I know you have a hard time but don't blame yourself. It's not going to help anything. Do you understand?"

Sehun didn't answer. He looked at the tea in the cup. He had no idea why the older boy wanted to help him. He had no reason to.

"Sehun you need to talk to me. I can't help you if you don't talk to me." Sehun didn't understand. He had talked a lot already. He sighed and looked Suho directly into his eyes.

"May I go to bed again?" Sehun asked. Suho sighed but nodded.

Sehun left the cup at the taple. It was still full.

Suho looked at Sehun's back as he left the taple. Suho sighed. He couldn't get the look of Sehun's eyes out of his mind. The only thing he had seen in them was sadness. Pure sadness.

\--

The next morning Suho knew Sehun hadn't slept a lot. He also knew that he wasn't in a good mood. It wasn't something he could blame him. When he said to Sehun that he could stay home from school he said no. Suho wasn't sure if it was safe to send him to school, but he didn't say anything.

"You don't need to worry Suho," Kris said when he saw the worried look on Suho's face.

"He reminds me of me," Suho said his eyes not leaving Sehun who followed Jongin out of the door. It was scary how much it was like watching himself.

"I know. But you're fine now so he'll be some time too." Kris sounded convincing but Suho couldn't stop worrying. What if Sehun wasn't going to be okay?

\--

Sehun once again used his lunchtime in the classroom. He had no friends so he had no place to go anyway. He was tired. After he had talked to Suho and gone to bed again, he had had a hard time falling asleep. Now he focused on keeping his eyes open.

The silence in Sehun's head was interrupted by the voice of Ryung. "Did you think about our offer?" It was the same tone as yesterday that he used. It was the voice that said that there was only one right answer.

"No," Sehun answered. He hadn't thought about it. Yet he still knew his answer, and he had also answered the day before.

"You shouldn't disobey me Sehun," Ryung almost whispered and leaned in so his eyes looked into Sehun's. "You're new, so I won't get mad."

Sehun couldn't help but snicker. Who did this guy think he was?

"I'm warning you Sehun. I know everything about your past," Ryung said not blinking at all.

Sehun clenching his hands into fists. He wasn't in a good mood, and Ryung just made his mood worse. The fact that he couldn't tell if Ryung was talking the truth, or if he wasn't also made it worse.

"Leave me alone," Sehun said. "I won't join your little gang. No matter how much you beg."

Ryung looked at him and began to laugh. The sound was loud and everyone in the room turned their attention to Ryung and Sehun. When he stopped laughing he looked at Sehun again.

"What if I won't leave you alone? What will you do? Kill me like you did the other boy?" Ryung asked. He didn't talk loud but it was loud enough for everyone to hear it. Sehun's eyes  widdened. How did he know?

"You wonder how I know?" Ryung laughed. "I know a lot. I also know that you had a sister."

Sehun tried to calm his anger. It wouldn't do any good to lose his temper now.

"I also know how your slut of a little sister got raped," Ryung said. "And that she killed herself."

Slut?! He had just called his sister a slut. She hadn't been a slut. Not at all!

Then Sehun lost his temper.

\--

Kai, Tao and Kyungsoo was sitting at a taple in the cantine, when a first year student ran to their taple.

"You know the new boy right?" the boy said panting hard. He had probably run fast.

The three at the taple all nodded their heads. All of them knew that something was wrong. It wasn't hard to figure out.

"What's wrong?" Kyungsoo asked the boy. He sounded worried. It seemed like he had a good reason to be.

"He's in a fight with Ryung," the boy explained.

That was all he had to say, to get the three boys up and running out of the cantine.

\--

When they were told that Sehun was in a fight with Ryung, they had thought that Sehun would get beaten. They were wrong.

As soon as they arrived in the classroom, they saw Sehun on top of a unconscious Ryung. He kept punching the boy. Kai was sure that Sehun couldn't stop what he was doing. He didn't seem to have any control over his actions. He was too filled with anger. Ryung had probably said something, that made him mad. And on top of that, was all the anger he had felt since his parents died. Kai, Tao and Kyungsoo all knew, that Sehun had killed a boy. Everyone in their house knew. It was impossible to keep a secret when you had Chen and Baekhyun in the house. It looked like Ryung also had found out about it. He had probably looked at his father's notes - his father was in the police-

Ryung and Sehun wasn't the only ones in the classroom. There were a lot of students who all looked shocked. Some of them had probably tried to stop Sehun, but given up.

Tao and Kai pulled Sehun of off Ryung.

"Calm down Sehun," Kai said as they pulled him further away from the boy on the floor. He tried to push them away, but Kyungsoo suddenly took his face in his hands. He looked him into his eyes.

"Sehun, calm down," Kyungsoo said gently, "You're not like this. Calm down." He brushed Sehun's hair away from his eyes and smiled gently at him.

Sehun then calmed down. His eyes looked at Ryung. Tears began to well up in them. He had done it again. He had killed again. Murder, he thought. Murder was the right name to call him. Nothing else.

Kyungsoo noticed the tears streaming down Sehun's face. With a quick movement he had his arms around him, hugging him. "It's going to be okay," he whispered.

No, Sehun thought. It's not going to be okay. I'll kill again. I'm a monster.

"Mr. Do will you please escort Mr. Oh to the principal's office?" the teacher who had just arrived asked.

"Yes," Kyungsoo answered and helped Sehun stand straight. "Let's go," he said gently and nudged the crying boy out of the classroom.

They never came to the office. Sehun had ran away before that.

\--

Suho was laying on Sehun's bed. The ceiling above him was the same one Sehun had looked at, everyday he had been there. Suho remembered doing the same. Sehun had been so much like him, that it had been scary. When he first came to the house, he had also used all the time inside of this room. Like Sehun, he hadn't wanted to talk.

He looked at his waists. The scars from his suicide attempts could clearly be seen. The thing he remembered about them, was the pain he had felt in his heart when he made them. The pain of was he had done, the pain of all the things that had happened to him. It was unbearable, yet he had lived through it. Everything was in the past now.

Suho couldn't help but wonder, if he had told Sehun about it, what would have happened? Would everything have ended another way?

Maybe Sehun would have felt some kind of hope, if he knew that Suho had lived through killing someone. If he knew that he too had killed someone, that he wasn't the only one and that everything could become okay again, would he stop killing people then?

Could he have been able to just kill his past? Maybe, maybe not.

That day Ryung hadn't been dead. He had just been unconscious. He was fine now, he had only needed a week to recover. Nothing too bad.

But Sehun had killed a person that day. He had killed two people in his life;

That boy and himself.

Suho felt a tear run down his cheek. The thoughts of Sehun and the fact that he had never seen him smile, made him sad.

Because of Sehun he had realized something. He had realized that you can't run away from your past, and that it isn't everyone who can live with that.

Sometimes the past is filled with great memories. Other times it isn't.


End file.
